like yeah we know what you mean when you say you use Female Pronouns but imagine how a nonbinary person might be uncomfortable using she/her pronouns when everyone’s constantly gendering them… just say “i use she/her.” it’s way more comfortable for all parties
I don’t really get in a tussle over pronouns, though I prefer they, all are ok
but it makes me uncomfortable when people say “oh so you’re okay with GIRL prounouns??” or “oh so you’re okay with MALE pronouns??” as if that means something really deeply about my gender.
no, pronouns don’t define the gender
One of the hardest things for me after my assault was when some of the people I cared about continued to be friends with my attacker and still wanted to be friends with me. I had been traumatized, as many of the abuse victims in this situation are. Then, to make it worse, people I trusted began to welcome my abuser back with open arms. Some believed he had changed, and thought he deserved a second chance. I felt betrayed. By letting him back in, they were condoning his actions. I lost most of my friends because of this, and in my case, my attacker had not changed his behavior.
Whether or not the abusers have changed, by welcoming them back into the community, you are likely hurting the people most in need of support: the victims. You are belittling them, dismissing their feelings, adding to their trauma, and, in some cases, delaying their recovery.
I don’t speak for all abuse and assault victims, but I thought it may be useful to post one survivor’s perspective. I am sure there are other narratives, but please think about how you may be making an abuse or assault survivor feel when you welcome their attacker back into the community. Healing from abuse or assault can be a long process, and as a community, we should be helping people heal, not continuing trauma.
Please don’t talk to the abusers, watch their videos or engage with them in any way. It will not help us move on.
If you’d like to share your thoughts on welcoming back perpetrators of abuse, send us an ask or tag your post with #healthy youtube.
I have so much love and respect for my friend Emily, who just did a really brave thing in talking about her point of view as a survivor of sexual assault. You’re amazing, Em. <3
This is really important.